• I always have to let him know ..

• i haven’t told you how many things i’ve noticed that have changed . i want to tell you how i appreciate it . i appreciate you and the fact that you are trying . i can see the attitude isn’t as bad as it once was at least towards me . i’ve noticed that you’ve been talking to me more and expressing certain things . we have a long way to go but i do see changes in the both of us . i’m learning how to not take certain things personal and take it day at a time . hopefully you understand the reasons behind why i say and do certain things . or at least how i see things from what i’ve been shown and dealt with in the past . i’m slowly understanding my worth and limits while being with you . i’m learning what should and shouldn’t be . you mean the world to me . i didn’t think i would find someone who would accept me for me and be there . are relationship isn’t perfect and i’m not either . i apologize for not being there and understanding . i apologize for being selfish and not really looking at things all the way through from your point of view . i took everything you said i started to turn things around . i hope you noticed . i don’t want you to see me in that kind of light because that isn’t the person that i am . so i started to really think about how i come off and what i need to correct . thank you for showing me that .

when it comes to you i want you to know that i am so proud of you . i admire your strength and struggles . i admire the fact that you don’t care . i am happy that you are doing what is making you happy . becoming your best you . i see so many great things in you and so many things i wish others did see too . the changes you’ve made since i’ve met you have been amazing . thank you for teaching me and opening my eye up a little more . bringing me into your life has been a up and down roller coaster for you and i know that . you are one handsome man . i’m one lucky female to have you . i know what i have and i want you to know that if you get any sexier i might have to kill you . ☺️ k? k. it hurts me that everything is so slow and not going as planned . you are going through all this because you decided to be with me . i feel so bad because i feel like i’m fucking up your life and happiness . i’m sorry . i didn’t want any of this too happen . i know things will get better and everything will fall into place . you know i’m gonna hold you down whenever you need it . i love you so much 💕

” you tripping ” .

• If i start b.tching something must really be bothering me, I’m being overlooked or i saw something . most of the time i keep things to myself. only because back when i did express myself heavy people consider it as me ” trippin ” , It makes me shut down. now i feel like I’m bothering you and you could care less. so now i only say things when it’s gotten to be too much. ask me questions ; even try to fix it cause once i stop b.tching my feelings towards you have completely changed … i even probably lost interest. i don’t ask for much but for someone to listen, understand, give what i give back and respect me. everything else i don’t need / can do for myself. just be there when i need you ( emotionally and mentally ) don’t be that person who didn’t take time to understand, and listen to me because you’ll end up loosing a good thing … &’ that person is Me ✌🏾.. I hate this feeling .

• Things I Wrote To My Bro … 2 / 21 / 2018

• i’m tired bro . i really don’t want to do this anymore . i don’t know how much i can take . every time i turn around someone is mistreating me or taking me for granted . i do so much and give my all . when it’s time for someone to do the same for me it doesn’t happen . nobody pays me any attention . nobody listens or takes my feelings into consideration . i’m giving my all to this man and he’s being so selfish . i’m borderline suicidely . i don’t wanna start cutting but i don’t know what else to do . yo , if i never made this promise to God yo i swear on my mom i’ll be dead . i’m so tired

• on our anniversary he decides to do this shit to me once again . no happy anniversary . he only thinks about his self . i keep telling him he’s hurting me and i feel unappreciated . he doesn’t give a fuck .

• he continues to treat me bad . continue to treat me like i’m one of his exs . he’s really starting to push me away and after awhile i’m gonna start hating him . he doesn’t treat me like he used to . everything i tell him he doesn’t care or does anything about . he’s yet to change his way . he keeps doing the shit

• i don’t know about this anymore . i really don’t know what to do . one part of me wants to leave because i’m not being treated right and one part feels like maybe he’s just going through something and it will stop .

There was much more to the conversation and what i said but these were the texts that i felt was important .

Nothing is the same anymore ….. i don’t feel the same anymore .

• in the beginning everything was amazing ! we had our differences but nothing that was a red flag . everything went so fast . feelings and emotions . knowing what i’ve been through i just let things flow . you know back in the day i used to question everything . in this situation i didn’t . everything was new to me . even though it was new i didn’t care about what others had to say . i believe love comes when it wants and with who it wants . that’s something you can’t stop . from the day he told me he was taking T i accepted him for him . i even asked him if i could even take this new journey he was experiencing with him . everything was good . from him showing me all kinds of attention, those good text messages and those unexpected paragraphs he sent . we made the decision to get together and move in . you know they say you really get to know a person when you move in with them . i can agree . let me tell you this is one thing i can say i cannot explain . things have turned into a 180 ! nothing is the same anymore ….. i don’t feel the same anymore .

Where Do I Begin ?! Lord Pls Forgive Me !

• i have no idea where to begin . so many things have taken place since the last time i’ve written to you . i’ve fall off i can admit that . i truly believe you are punishing me and showing me something . i got into this relationship and all i did was focus and worry about only that . gave it my all . now look at it . what have i done ? what can i do ? beyond stressed ! don’t know what to do . i start giving my all to someone and somewhat forgot about you . forgot about who was there and been there . now everything is going down hill . i decided to start writing again . i stopped because i didn’t want to face what i’ve been feeling and going through . this is the only outlet i have it seems like . you know family doesn’t exist and my love life is some shit ! i want to take the time out and apologize for my actions . i completely know better . you’ve been through heart break with me and things nobody else dares to know . what is wrong with me ? how could i be so stupid . i decided to fast and pray ! i know for a fact that troubles don’t last always . pain is temporary . i’ve been through so much that i can get through this with nobody else but you . Lord please forgive me !

A Life Is A Life .. No Matter What Race !

• i cannot ! i just can’t. a life is a life . no matter what the career path that person chose. it’s always fuck cops when it’s convenient but y’all need us when y’all want justice for y’all family members and friends who’ve been murdered or need help being in the system some kind of way. at the end of the day not every cop is a pig . side note before y’all speak on what’s right and what’s wrong how about y’all know and understand y’all rights as a citizen . along with knowing the rights as a officer . know when , where and what to do in certain situations . some just act out for no reason and it makes you look as ignorant as the next person . but again every race is fucked up . we all have issues that we all need to fix. also, let me not speak on the ignorance and the things us black people do to other races and to our own kind and laugh about it on a daily thinking it’s cute .

Wrote 5:00Pm &’ Sent At 5:07Pm

• i appreciate your honesty . i also respect that you know what you want and don’t want . when it comes to myself and how i am i don’t know if i am going to be able to keep dealing with you on this kind of level . i feel like everything was mislead in my eyes and what was said isn’t the reality . i didn’t start communicating with you just to have sex and waste time . i don’t want to start catching more feelings, looking stupid and wasting my time . when a person says what you told me just means that not right now means not ever . i’ve dealt with too much and my mental state of mind and emotions mean more to me than anything else . i shouldn’t have expected anything different but i thought just maybe it would be . it’s really fucked up because all of this is new to me and it’s not going right . i rather not do it at all . it’s nothing against you or anything . i completely respect how you feel . i hope you can understand where i’m coming from .